Justin went to the Doctor Who special event thing. He comes back with something extra. And then they talk about Jesus. UK Jesus specifically. Good ol’ Jeezy Creezy. Check out the whole episode and more stuff HERE HERE HERE HERE YO.
Farting is something that’s natural, though it can be avoided. There are a few reasons that you fart:
You’ve eaten certain foods that have interacted negatively with your intestinal bacteria. The result is a buildup of gas, which can only escape via your digestive system.
You’re intolerant to lactose, which causes the lactose to ferment in your gut and cause the gas to build up.
You have too much bacteria in your colon. The bacteria break down your food, but the breakdown of the food you eat causes intestinal gas to build up.
You’ve swallowed a lot of air, such as when chewing gum or drinking soda with carbonation.
You smoke. Smoking causes you to take more air into your body than normal, and the gas can get trapped in your esophagus or stomach. If there is too much gas building up in your intestines, there’s only one path the gas can take.
”—I’m using a public computer at the airport in Thailand and I accidentally pasted someone else’s copied text (via gunnarolla)
Take me to an art museum, instead of a movie theater.
Read your book out loud to me, instead of watching reality television.
Take me in a field and lay with me, build terrible bird houses with me, plant trees and skip rocks and waste time laying on the floor twirling my hair.
Paint me- take acrylic paints and swirl and blend shades on my ankles and repeat that on canvas.
Take me into your secret wooded hideout and bathe me in the crystal clear brook that only you know about.
Enter a stranger’s home with me without their permission and mix all of the spices in their kitchen into a bowl and pour it onto my naked, eager body.
Call your mother on the telephone, because she worries about you. It would be nice if you called her for once instead of waiting for her to call you.
Take me inside the employees only part of the museum where they keep all the preserved specimens of birds. Eat them with me, don’t hesitate. They won’t notice they’re gone right away. I need this energy.
Paint your Hyundai Sonata with me. Put one of those moon things on there, put a yin yang on there too. Put an oak tree on there.
Instead of liking each other’s posts on Facebook, cut off all of your hair and glue it onto the bottom of my hair. It won’t hurt, it’s just hair.
Sneak into the factory and watch me on the assembly line. Come to the UAW meeting with me afterward. Someone’s gotta build the new Chevy Volt and hell if I’ll let the Mexicans do it.
Come to my brother’s house and convince him to go vegan, or at least to try it out for a few weeks and see how it works.
Go to the park with me. If we cover the jungle gym up with blankets and smoke weed inside, kids will be too afraid to climb on it or come inside. Then, finally, we will have a brief moment to be ourselves, free from the watchful eyes and ears of the feds, before crawling back out into this hell we call a free world.
Go to the beach with me and lay me down in the water, so I can float off seaward. I will find a sailboat to commandeer and I will come back for you. It may take days but I have 5 packs of Gushers in my pockets so if I’m hungry I can eat those. I need you to trust me and I need you to understand that this is what’s best for you and me. I regret every day that we did not have time to go back for Jess, but she is a strong and healthy girl and I believe she can survive this. God willing, you know, maybe we’ll see her again one day, maybe she’ll come looking for us when she’s old enough to figure it out. Maybe she’ll find us. All I know is that they’re going to be here soon and that no army in the world could stop them from getting what they want from me. They’re stronger than anything we’ve ever seen before and there is no safe place on the mainland anymore. Hell, nowhere’s safe anymore, but we’ve got to find somewhere. We can’t die before we’ve done what we have to do. We can’t lose this.
Afternoonified A society word meaning “smart.” Forrester demonstrates the usage: “The goods are not ‘afternoonified’ enough for me.”
Arfarfan’arf A figure of speech used to describe drunken men. “He’s very arf’arf’an’arf,” Forrester writes, “meaning he has had many ‘arfs,’” or half-pints of booze.
Back slang it Thieves used this term to indicate that they wanted “to go out the back way.”
Bags o’ Mystery An 1850 term for sausages, “because no man but the maker knows what is in them. … The ‘bag’ refers to the gut which contained the chopped meat.”
Bang up to the elephant This phrase originated in London in 1882, and means “perfect, complete, unapproachable.”
Batty-fang Low London phrase meaning “to thrash thoroughly,” possibly from the French battre a fin.
Benjo Nineteenth century sailor slang for “A riotous holiday, a noisy day in the streets.”
Bow wow mutton A naval term referring to meat so bad “it might be dog flesh.”
Bricky Brave or fearless. “Adroit after the manner of a brick,” Forrester writes, “said even of the other sex, ‘What a bricky girl she is.’”
Bubble Around A verbal attack, generally made via the press. Forrester cites The Golden Butterfly: “I will back a first-class British subject for bubbling around against all humanity.”
Butter Upon Bacon Extravagance. Too much extravagance. “Are you going to put lace over the feather, isn’t that rather butter upon bacon?”
Cat-lap A London society term for tea and coffee “used scornfully by drinkers of beer and strong waters … in club-life is one of the more ignominious names given to champagne by men who prefer stronger liquors.”
Church-bell A talkative woman.
Chuckaboo A nickname given to a close friend.
Collie shangles Quarrels. A term from Queen Victoria’s journal, More Leaves , published in 1884: “At five minutes to eleven rode off with Beatrice, good Sharp going with us, and having occasional collie shangles (a Scotch word for quarrels or rows, but taken from fights between dogs) with collies when we came near cottages.”
Cop a Mouse To get a black eye. “Cop in this sense is to catch or suffer,” Forrester writers, “while the colour of the obligation at its worst suggests the colour and size of the innocent animal named.”
Daddles A delightful way to refer to your rather boring hands.
Damfino This creative cuss is a contraction of “damned if I know.”
Dizzy Age A phrase meaning “elderly,” because it “makes the spectator giddy to think of the victim’s years.” The term is usually refers to “a maiden or other woman canvassed by other maiden ladies or others.”
Doing the Bear “Courting that involves hugging.”
Don’t sell me a dog Popular until 1870, this phrase meant “Don’t lie to me!” Apparently, people who sold dogs back in the day were prone to trying to pass off mutts as purebreds.
Door-knocker A type of beard “formed by the cheeks and chin being shaved leaving a chain of hair under the chin, and upon each side of mouth forming with moustache something like a door-knocker.”
Enthuzimuzzy “Satirical reference to enthusiasm.” Created by Braham the terror, whoever that is.
Fifteen puzzle Not the game you might be familiar with, but a term meaning complete and absolute confusion.
Fly rink An 1875 term for a polished bald head.
Gal-sneaker An 1870 term for “a man devoted to seduction.”
Gas-Pipes A term for especially tight pants.
Gigglemug “An habitually smiling face.”
Got the morbs Use of this 1880 phrase indicated temporary melancholy.
Half-rats Partially intoxicated.
Jammiest bits of jam “Absolutely perfect young females,” circa 1883.
Kruger-spoof Lying, from 1896.
Mad as Hops Excitable.
Mafficking An excellent word that means getting rowdy in the streets.
Make a stuffed bird laugh “Absolutely preposterous.”
Meater A street term meaning coward.
Mind the Grease When walking or otherwise getting around, you could ask people to let you pass, please. Or you could ask them to mind the grease, which meant the same thing to Victorians.
Mutton Shunter This 1883 term for a policeman is so much better than “pig.”
Nanty Narking A tavern term, popular from 1800 to 1840, that meant great fun.
Nose bagger Someone who takes a day trip to the beach. He brings his own provisions and doesn’t contribute at all to the resort he’s visiting.
Not up to Dick Not well.
Orf chump No appetite.
Parish Pick-Axe A prominent nose.
Podsnappery This term, Forrester writers, describes a person with a “wilful determination to ignore the objectionable or inconvenient, at the same time assuming airs of superior virtue and noble resignation.”
Poked Up Embarrassed.
Powdering Hair An 18th century tavern term that means “getting drunk.”
Rain Napper An umbrella.
Sauce-box The mouth.
Shake a flannin Why say you’re going to fight when you could say you’re going to shake a flannin instead?
Shoot into the brown To fail. According to Forrester, “The phrase takes its rise from rifle practice, where the queer shot misses the black and white target altogether, and shoots into the brown i.e., the earth butt.”
Skilamalink Secret, shady, doubtful.
Smothering a Parrot Drinking a glass of absinthe neat; named for the green color of the booze.
Suggestionize A legal term from 1889 meaning “to prompt.”
Take the Egg To win.
Umble-cum-stumble According to Forrester, this low class phrase means “thoroughly understood.”
Whooperups A term meaning “inferior, noisy singers” that could be used liberally today during karaoke sessions.